Thursday, December 11, 2008

December 11 - Karston Grant Smith

It's hard to believe that 5 years have passed since our second son was born this very night. Just the day before, our world came crashing down! I remember it just like it was yesterday. I stayed up the entire night before knowing that something was just not right. Why hadn't I been feeling movement? There was definitely something wrong. I am scared to say the words. Surely a glass of orange juice would wake him up... We were just 2 weeks away from delivering our sweet baby boy, Karston. Maybe I was having signs of going into labor. My head was spinning, I felt out of control. I knew that I would have a doctors appointment in the morning and be able to hear his heartbeat. I tried to sleep but couldn't. The next morning it was confirmed and we were admitted to the hospital for delivery. How do you deal with this chaos? How do you ever recover from somethings like this? Can you ever heal from this wound?

Well, 5 years later and there are still feelings and thoughts not far from what we experienced that night. As December approaches, the anxiety level increases at our house. We are going through the motions of preparing for the holidays...decorating the trees, baking for neighbors, the hustle and bustle of shopping, etc. All of these very things we were doing then, we continue to do each year. The memories are still very close to the surface and will always be. Even as wrapped in sorrow and grief as we were, we can sense Hope that we will see Karston again. I remember coming home from the hospital and being so grateful for Kadyn and being together as a family. It was very important for us to remind not only Kadyn, but our family, friends and ourselves that God was carrying us through the most horrible time in our lives. We were working on getting things back together with His help!

I remember in the back of my mind, yet I don't believe I ever said the words, I can't ever go through another pregnancy. But God had other plans for us! He knows my strength, actually he GAVE me much more strength than I thought I was ever capable of having. Sixteen months later, Kamden came into this world. And now, we are being blessed with our 4th little boy in just a few more months. God is GOOD! And, in the midst of what we feel like is total uncertainty and chaos, He is in control! He brings peace! He brings HOPE!

So, take time this Christmas to laugh at little harder, make a few more memories, spend time with family, reflect on how life events have changed you and made you who you are, enjoy the present and most of all remember to celebrate His birth!


Whimsey said...

Praying for you - so glad God gives us HOPE (and strength); many times as humans, we feel we could never move forward...but God is so GOOD!!!

Love ya!

The Sharp's said...

You are an inspiration. So glad you're in my life.!!! Love Always!!

KCAimee said...

I'm so glad you are the strong person you are, Brandi-Lou. And I know that I will someday get to meet your angel Karston. Meanwhile, I am blessed to be a part of your life and the lives of your beautiful earth-bound boys.

KCAimee said...

Tag, you're it! I finally posted, now you have to.

I'm almost 1/2 way through the book and I've got commitment from the hubby that he'll give it a shot. I hope to finish in the next couple days so we can get started in February.

Let's get intense!